You’re Nicked

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A spliff a day keeps reality away. Stephen West (20) asked the staff to take care of his cannabis stash for him while he was busy in the dock at Wigan Magistrates’ Court. He was arrested and charged with possession. (Times, 27 June 2006)

Some people have a brain like Einstein’s, dead since 1955. Eloise Reaves (50) crossed a car park in Putnam County, Miami to complain to a policeman about some bad crack cocaine she’d bought. She demanded that he help her get her money back, and was promptly arrested. (news4jax.com, 18 December 2006)

What some people lack in intelligence they make up for in stupidity. Staff at an Ipswich sports shop were pretty impressed when Daniel Alexander (18) turned up for a job interview. By his cheek. He’d starred in their CCTV footage the day before when he walked out of the shop with a £28 hooded top, without paying. (Evening Star, 28 June 2006)

Almadeo Salguero (21) stopped a car at gunpoint, ordered out the three people inside and drove it away along with its stereo system. It wasn’t long before the car owner got a call. ‘I don’t want there to be any hard feelings,’ the thief said, ‘but how do you hook up your amp?’ He’d dumped the car and was trying to get the stereo to work before he flogged it. The owner hung up and when Salguero called again, a police sergeant answered. It didn’t take long to track him down and arrest him. (Security Solutions magazine, issue 29)

A former policeman from Serbia went into his bank to check his balance, and managed to leave his account card behind. His overdraft must have upset him because he went back with a knife and robbed the branch of around £10,000. He went back a third time, and got arrested trying to deposit the stolen loot in his own account. He also reported the loss of his card. (yahoo news, 12 December 2006)

They say television’s a medium because so little of it is rare or well done. That didn’t stop a thief breaking into a house in Mussidan, France and relieving a pensioner of his television set. But he forgot the remote control, so while the pensioner was out reporting the matter to the police, the thief came back for it. Neighbours called the police, who caught him red-handed. (The Scotsman, 15 November 2006)